Goodwill.

February 2Goodwill

" Goodwill is best exemplified in service; proper service is doing the right thing for the right reason."

Basic Text, p. ix

The spiritual core of our disease is self-centeredness. In dealing with others, the only motive our addiction taught us was selfishness — we wanted what we wanted when we wanted it. Obsession with self was rooted in the very ground of our lives. In recovery, how do we root self-obsession out?

We reverse the effects of our disease by applying a few very simple spiritual principles. To counteract the self-centeredness of our addiction, we learn to apply the principle of goodwill. Rather than seeking to serve only ourselves, we begin serving others. Rather than thinking only about what we can get out of a situation, we learn to think first of the welfare of others. When faced with a moral choice, we learn to stop, recall spiritual principles, and act appropriately.

As we begin "doing the right thing for the right reason;" we can detect a change in ourselves. Where once we were ruled by self-will, now we are guided by our goodwill for others. The chronic self-centeredness of addiction is losing its hold on us. We are learning to "practice these principles in all our affairs"; we are living in our recovery, not in our disease.

Just for today:  Wherever I am, whatever I do, I will seek to serve others, not just myself. When faced with a dilemma, I will try to do the right thing for the right reason.

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Firstly, 

My self-centeredness during the midst of my addict was not the type that I am stuck up, cocky and overly confident. Subconsciously, my self-centeredness was the type that would do the worst things to my loved ones, not thinking that they were going to suffer, simply just not thinking of their feelings at all.

This pas year of 2017, was the year that I found love for myself, self-respect, boundaries and confidence in the talents I was given.

I was told once that my way with words and the light that was seen in me, has changed their life for the better, and I began to realize myself that my gifts of the ability to sing and the way I can put words together are valued. 

With that, I knew my purpose.

I believed with my whole heart, and still do, that I can and will change lives, and that is where my sense of goodwill comes from.

Secondly,

The most selfish thought I ever had, was that my daughter would have a better life if I weren't in it, and that I tried for majority of my life trying to take my own life, not ever considering that there might be a bigger purpose for me.

But then, I learned to forgive myself. I learned to forgive others who hurts me and I found the peace of mind I had been seeking all my life. 

I was finally able to see that if something happened to me, by self-infliction, 

I would leave a hole in a lot of peoples hearts, and a lot of peoples lives would never be the same again. 

That was my very first step of learning to love myself.

"When we experience suffering, we have reached the beginning of our journey."